I have not been writing as much lately in this blog. I know it. Today I felt like saying something about it. The last month I just stopped. Changed routines. Wandered further from some of my habits of needing to tuck all things in neatly. Given myself permission to just be. Quietly that is. I haven’t been on retreat. I haven’t adopted particularly new practices or meditations. I haven’t been to a particular workshop. I journal, as I have for years. Yet, my entries there have been short also. To the point it feels.
I’ve been burning a lot of candles lately. Candles that burn through the day. And often I leave them through the night. I don’t know why. I’ve somehow wanted fire. Not tea lights. Long burn candles. A flame to come too. A center where my thoughts and stories can sit. Stare into the middle. Even if I’m not there. Without words. The long burn.
I don’t know when I’ll return to more writing. I almost don’t want to know. Perhaps when I can remove the “almost” it will be time. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next month. Maybe after a sufficient experiment with attention to the churnings in other ways.
My partner Teresa just sent me a poem this morning that has some of this energy. Beautiful.
She Let Go’ a Poem by Rev. Safire Rose
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.