Reset — Gaining Clarity In A Time of Conflict

In my work with groups of people, sometimes specific teams, I have learned that the best of people periodically need reset. It’s reset of intention to remember what matters. Sometimes it’s reset of momentum to find an ease in flow together. Sometimes it’s a general spirit of pause and retreat, to contribute health and wellness relationally. And sometimes it’s to interrupt conflict or tension that has arisen and gotten stuck.

I recently hosted a group in such a stuck period of conflict. It was thick. It had the feeling of people protective.

Circle is what I turn to most often in such a time. I’ve learned that each having a chance to speak can make alchemical difference together. Circle, and, an intention to back up to more essential human qualities of listening and sharing together. I’ve learned that a simple format and deliberate questions can make a world of difference.

This is what it looked like this time.

Welcome — saying some of the things above. I tend to set the context for connection and learning, sharing and witness, rather than a fix through regurgitating all the details.

Check-In — with Check-In the invitation is always to share a little of how you are, how you are arriving into this space together. And in this case, an added question — what is one of the things that is important to you in this meeting?

Round — passing the piece again in circle. What do you need to say to reset contributing in a good way? This is deliberately worded. Emphasizing the energy of reset and the purpose of contributing in good ways.

Round — another round to go deeper. Is there something you wish to say to bring understanding and kindness to this situation? This question also invokes responsibility for particular purpose.

Check-Out — I tend to rely on more witness here. What is it from today’s circle that has felt particularly important today? Is there a particular commitment you will fulfill to help bring energy and action to this reset?

It’s not unusual to feel conflict in a group. Admittedly, sometimes for me it is sad. I worry about it. However, I’ve learned that the healthier position is one of recognizing that most of us are learning to recognize and work through individual and collective shadow. I’ve learned that an orientation to health helps to move the group along, sometimes in deliberate reset. And I’ve learned again, that the questions asked set the tone for how we will relocate a path of contributing together.

Here’s to finding enough clarity and wisdom to find enough of our way in the good that we are each wishing to contribute.

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Gifts of Circle - Question Cardsasd
Gifts of Circle is 30 short essays divided into 4 sections: 1) Circle's Bigger Purpose, 2) Circle's Practice, 3) Circle's First Requirements, and 4) Circle's Possibility for Men. From the Introduction: "Circle is what I turn to in the most comprehensive stories I know -- the stories of human beings trying to be kind and aware together, trying to make a difference in varied causes for which we need to go well together. Circle is also what I turn to in the most immediate needs that live right in front of me and in front of most of us -- sharing dreams and difficulties, exploring conflicts and coherences. Circle is what I turn to. Circle is what turns us to each other."

Question Cards is an accompanying tool to Gifts of Circle. Each card (34) offers a quote from the corresponding chapter in the book, followed by sample questions to grow your Circle hosting skills and to create connection, courage, and compassionate action among groups you host in Circle.

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In My Nature
is a collection of 10 poems. From A Note of Beginning: "This collection of poems arises from the many conversations I've been having about nature. Nature as guide. Nature as wild. Nature as organized. I remain a human being that so appreciates a curious nature in people. That so appreciates questions that pick fruit from inner being, that gather insights and intuitions to a basket, and then brings the to table to be enjoyed and shared over the next week."

This set of Note Cards (8 cards + envelopes)  quotes a few favorite passages from poems in In My Nature. I offer them as inspiration. And leave room for you to write personal notes.

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Most Mornings is a collection of 37 poems. I loved writing them. From the introduction: "This collection of poems comes from some of my sense-making that so often happens in the morning, nurtured by overnight sleep. The poems sample practices. They sample learnings. They sample insights and discoveries. They sample dilemmas and concerns."

This set of Note Cards (8 cards + envelopes)  quotes a few favorite passages from poems in Most Mornings. I offer them as inspiration. And leave room for you to write personal notes.

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