Locked and Blocked — Um…, Time For Self Care

Where I’d planned on being today is in Portland, Oregon. I was to be working with Kevin Hiebert, Sara Rosenau, and Jessica Riehl preparing for an Art of Hosting that starts tomorrow. I was to be thick in the questions, adding to our anticipated field. It matters that people come together. Over 50 in this case. To learn. To be in practice together. To be in connection together.

And then, a few medical urgencies surfaced over the last five days. Number one, my neck locked into position atop my head with virtually zero rotation left / right and up / down. What! Wait! A lot of pain. No, it’s not from any particular incident or injury. Just real. Can’t drive real. Can’t see to the sides real. Stinging shoots of pain whenever I moved my head. Locked.

And then, well, actually before that, a number two urgency. A kidney stone moving and creating a lot of pain. I remember that kind of pain from 10 years ago when I had a kidney stone. Lot’s of lower back pain. It’s got “Oh Oh” written all over it. Blocked.

I’m the kind of human that comes from other humans that generally tough it out and play through it. I wrestled a lot with this decision to just go to Portland and make the most of it, or to give myself permission for self care. I’m glad for my team and friends that encouraged the latter, self care. And, well, toughing it out was a rather slim option with this severity. Getting my body in the room isn’t enough for this kind of work. It takes much more heart and soul.

So…, I got the X-rays that show an odd curve in the top of my spine. Got the meds to help with muscle relaxing, pain relief, and removing the swelling. Got the meds to help with kidney stone. Got the appointment with the physical therapist for this morning. I’m glad that such things are available.

So…, longer story that is unfolding made short, I’m in Utah. Glad for these roses in full bloom in my back yard. I’m in self care, which I know is what many of us are learning. Hosting self. Still not through my grumbles, but there are some things you can’t argue with. Body is one of them.

I participated in a call with the team yesterday. To hear and see the design for the coming days. It looks delicious. It includes questions about uncertainty (when have you experienced…), which I find so valuable. Being able to be in your own uncertainty is one of the key potencies for people to learn these days. I got to hear some overarching themes that I loved. One, awaken to presence. Two, attune too emergence. Three, lean into experiments. That’s good stuff.

I’ll be cheering from the roses on this one for those gathered in Portland, “The City of Roses.” A bit sad. Actually a lot sad. But also grateful for colleagues and friends that rally around principle and friendship.