Author: Tenneson Woolf

.

This week I was in a very interesting conversation in which a person said this simple phrase, “Not all pumpkins are the same.” She went on to describe the pumpkins that interest her. Less about the perfectly rounded, smooth, orange pumpkins. More about the pumpkins that have other color and a few warts.

The context of this pumpkin conversation was about unity consciousness. This same person offered an impassioned plea from an appreciation of unity amidst diversity.

I am moved by this conversation. I am moved by this person’s compassion and conviction.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. What to do when harmful behavior in an individual shows up in a participative event. When it feels like an individual is hijacking attention. When it feels like an attack.

Intervene? Let it rides it’s course? Make sure that chairs don’t get thrown? Sustain the tension and uncertainty so that something new can come from how the rest of the group responds? Challenge others to speak their truth? Sustain the tension so that the group can respond and deal with it’s business. All of these can help in some way.

In times like these, I find myself aware of recent teachings that I got from Christina Baldwin. First, that there is a difference between shadow (an unspoken tension or projection of judgement that is present) and sabotage (willful disruption of the group and process for personal means). Second, that if it’s shadow, part of the facilitator’s job is to pull the shadow off of the person willing to speak it into the group. OK, that all requires some discernment, on the spot, and some good skill. That’s some of the nuance.

But, back to harmful behavior, and one option that I want to try next time.

The first thing to do is name that the behavior appears to be harmful. Be transparent with it and dare to name it out loud. “What you are saying appears to be a very harmful thing. It feels like an attack on a particular person. I imagine that there is some good that you are intending. Is there? Can you say what is the good that you are trying to point towards with this behavior?”

This takes the behavior head on. Is an act of kindness to the person speaking. Is an act of kindness to the person being attacked. It is an act of kindness to the group, to use what is present for some changes.

The second step is to invite a broader inquiry. “Can you imagine that there may be other ways to accomplish that good? Would you be willing to enter a dialogue about that?”

This creates alternative to burying the shadow, and unintentionally creating further resentment. It creates an opportunity for wisdom from the group. It counts on the group to bring forth wisdom around the caring. To bring forth wisdom around alternative choices, which I would argue, are always present.

I suppose there is something further in this will be for attention another day. As facilitator, I’ve got some plans for the group. Hijacking interferes with that. It is useful to name that that disturbance, even that harmful behavior, is entry point to needed work. It can really clear the room.

Yes, there are choices.

Many people have meditation practices these days. Some are very involved. Some are quite simple. Some require a particular posture. Some are less formal. Some with eyes closed. Some with eyes open. Some practice many times during the day. Some just once.

Whatever one’s practice is, the emptying and presence really matters.

My practice is quite simple. Just breath. Slow breathing. Usually for 10-20 minutes. I love the moment, when I feel like I’m no longer counting length of breath (yes, I do this sometimes), and instead, begin to feel like I am being breathed. Empty (er) and being breathed. Quite simply. Like it might I feel if hooked up to a grand and invisible oxygen tank (wait, maybe we already are). Maybe it’s God. Maybe it’s the larger living system that is the world. Maybe it is the composite field of meditators.

Regardless, presence matters. The physical and emotional memory of presence matters, given rather demanding circumstances that many of us find ourselves in.

My 12 minute meditation today was based on the awareness that most of my breath cycles are 30 seconds. Slowly in, pausing when full. Slowly out, pausing when empty. In my brain, I wanted to experiment. I kind of liked thinking that in 12 minutes, that’s 24 breaths. One breath for each hour of the day.

I won’t necessarily measure these breaths, that’s not the point. But infusing each hour of the day with some presence and pause and emptiness — there’s some attractive meaning making and practice.

In just 12 minutes.

Sister Julia Walsh is one of my favorite writers from a Christian tradition. She is FSPA, Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration and based in Wisconsin. I got to meet her several times over the last few years when my partner and I were in ongoing work with FSPA — a participative leadership approach to General Assembly and an Elections Assembly. I’m super happy to call her a friend.

One of the things I love about Julia, and her voice, is that she is honest. She tells it like it is. She shows her vulnerability. Her doubt. What I love even more about that is that this isn’t a departure from her Christian living. It isn’t a whisper only to be heard in carefully protected places. It isn’t a departure from vows. Rather, her honesty and transparency are central to her Christian living.

Once upon a time it seems that many of us felt we had to deny imperfections, as if that would somehow be a better representation of the good, the divine, the community. But Sister Julia, accepts those imperfections (or tries to like most of us), and shares them out loud. It’s so much easier to connect with someone this way. And then, I would suggest, to connect to the divine within each of us.

One of Julia’s latest blogs is entitled Enough or Not. She shares in an open way her “in progress” relationship with simplicity and yet wanting things. I love these words:

Honestly, my yearning for more-than-is/more-than-I-have-right-now isn’t always about the ideals I hold close to me. Some of my dreams are embarrassingly superficial, completely basic and ordinary. Like Oh, how I wish I had a panini maker to cook this sandwich or This hairdryer is too loud and clunky, I should get a new one. I am regularly creating mental lists of objects that I think will create more convenience and efficiency in my busy life, just because I too fall for the lies of American commercialism and capitalism. I have to catch myself. When I find myself thinking that more stuff will be a solution, I must gain new consciousness.

Beautiful, right. Her full post is here.