Geese on Bowen

Some things are just too beautiful to pass up. Particularly when phones come so conveniently with our phones.

These geese and goslings were just off the path I was walking last week with friend Caitlin Frost on Bowen Island, near the lagoon next to Deep Bay.

I loved the reflections in the water. One goose on the lookout. One eating. The goslings being in the newness of life.

I loved the walk with a friend.

On Being Wise Together Using Circle

So, this being wise together thing, that’s kind of important, right.

It seems that many of us know how to be wise individually. And that’s rather important. It seems to matter that any of us have the capacity to think, reflect, and make good choices. There is power in the individual capability.

Wise together — well that seems to be different and more than summing up individual wisdom. Meg Wheatley is one of the ones that taught me that “who we are together is more and different than who we are apart.” It’s further true that “the wisdom we have together is more and different than the wisdom we have alone.”

What a dance. Sometimes a slow waltz. Sometimes a jitterbug. Sometimes complete improvising. But this need to tend to the whole — to develop that nuancing — is ongoing.

I use circle as a primary process to encourage wisdom together. It’s process, yes. It’s process that gives us access to the sharedness of wisdom together.

Let me pull all of that down into a story.

Working with a client, a small group of seven leaders, I could see that this group had plenty of talent, experience, passion, and opinion. Each person was saying very smart things. I could see that the group was moving itself into what I would learn was a familiar kind of stalemate. It was lobbying an opinion and cross-talking to win with that opinion. It wasn’t malicious or ill-intended. In fact, I’d say most of the “winning behavior” was subtle enough to be difficult to see. It was clear, however, that they were getting stuck.

My co-host and I insisted on using circle. Not just sitting in chairs facing one another, but another layer of robustness to hear each voice at the table. So often, the presumption is agreement and clarity, and when you combine that with desire to be efficient, most of us start making assumptions about shared understanding that we hope is present, but really isn’t.

So now what?

The stages and use of circle that we recommended, so as to be wise together, included four steps.

  1. Clarifying Enough of the Issue — What is it that is important here? Is it staff changing? Is it sustainability of company? Is it right relations? Is it economics? There’s rarely a shortage of things that people care about. We just need to name it, and be willing to follow even just the one issue for a bit. The key to identify it is to connect issue to passion.
  2. Pass a Talking Piece — Or a listening piece. Whenever I hear someone in a group say, “We all know…,” that’s so often a clue that passing a talking piece is helpful. “We all know…” is more often a statement of what we hope, so as to be able to move on. That’s fair. But this is when desire for efficiency often trumps experience of wisdom together. Just hear a bit from each other. Ask, “What matters to you about _____?” Even if you are close to shared wisdom, it dignifies the process and intent of trying to know together. Of trying to be wise together. Hear from everyone without the cross talk.
  3. Make a Proposal — If a decision is needed, make a proposal. My friend Amanda reminds me that the proposal from a circle of listening might not even be the proposal that I want, but it can be the one that is arising from listening to one another. The proposal gives us a point of clarity and helps us move out of what can feel like endless wandering.
  4. Show Thumbs — Up thumb is agreement. Down thumb is rejection. Sideways thumb is “I have a question.” Or, “I need a bit more information.” The thumbs are a temperature check to see if we have enough clarity, but from the dignity of having heard from each other rather than just speeding ourselves along in absence of process that most people know isn’t quite right.

Being wise together is not a simple linear formula. The above steps might need reiteration a few times to get at something clear enough. Too much iteration is what has some people feeling anxious or critical. However, my hope in all of this is a wisdom that when people experience, they remember. They remember how we can be kind and thoughtful together that is different that so much of what contemporary structure limits.

I have hopes. I have hunger. Like most people, to be wise together. To touch even moments of  deep collaboration that wake us up to what we are capable of.

I’m grateful for the simplicity of circle to give us container for the dignity of wisdom together.

Make Some Friends

Today my oldest son is starting a summer job. It’s new work for him. I can tell that he is a bit nervous. If it were me, I’d be trying to suppress my nerves a bit. I’d be worried. Will I know enough? Will I be able to help? Will I look stupid? Will they make fun of me? These are silly questions in so many ways. But silly doesn’t make them not true either.

As dad, I’m proud of my son. Way to go! Contribute. Make some money. Take your place in another stage of adult life. Use your skills. Use your gifts. Learn some skills and learn some gifts. Be supportive of others. All of these thoughts are in play. When my son and I talked last night, we spoke about all of these things.

And yet, the nerves remain. You can’t have all of the answers prior to going in. This fact points out a rather obvious but often denied reality — complete certainty and predictability is a myth! It’s what many of us seek, mostly unknowingly. I know that fear / response combo in me. But it’s not our perfect preparation for every imaginable encounter that is the most needed skill. Sometimes, I suppose. But more often, and more often neglected, the skill we need is the ability to adapt. To work with what is and to work with what shows up.

After all of that good advice to work hard (that’s what I was told when I was a teenager and young adult) and put in a good day’s work — all of which matter — I realized this morning that the “advice” I woke up with for my son is rather simple. Make some friends. If you make some friends, you’ll find your way into the good of the work, and perhaps find your way through some of the not-so-fun in the work. If you make some friends you can be in some good learning together — about the job and about each others lives. If you make some friends, you can enjoy what you are creating together.

Well, here’s to a good day for my son in his learning and making friends. And here’s to all of us learning to be well with each others in life’s many uncertainties and newnesses.

Collapse Watch

I’ve been reading Dave Pollard’s blog again. He’s thoughtful and thorough.

One of Dave’s recent posts was named “Collapse Watch.” It’s full adventure into collapse of industrial society.

Dave’s a truth-teller (as much as that can be called a thing). I find in my interactions with Dave that he’s not trying to sell a truth. It’s not a fire sale. It’s not a loud commercial. It’s not a manipulation to get me to do something. It’s more of a description. Like describing the birds chirping in the morning. It’s not, “that was a good bird and that was a bad bird and we should get rid of that bird and we should keep that bird.” It’s just, “hear the birds — chances are they’ll keep chirping whether you listen or not.”

Give Dave’s post a full read. Give yourself some time. And then maybe a bit of reflection as the birds chirp.

Lean in, even if just for a moment. Not all truths are easy, are they.